The Porn Project: Reboot Challenge | Sexual Detox challenge

Porn: So much struggle and addiction and so little answers, solutions and freedom. A Sexual Detox might be a good place to start. One of the best discussions for those of us coming from a Christian Worldview would be from a blog from Tim Challies called 7 Reasons to Stop Looking at Porn Right Now. He goes through each of the reasons below

• The Cost to your Soul
• The Cost to your Neighbour
• The Cost to your Family
• The Cost to your Mission
• The Cost to your Witness
• The Cost to your Saviour

The only one I might add to this list is the Cost to your own Body. As I am working through my research for a talk on pornography called “The Porn Project” I have been fascinated to find an entire online community (not faith based) equipping, supporting and empowering people (men and women) to stop watching pornography. It is often called the “NoFap” movement which is not a Christian movement at all. In case you are wondering what Fap is, it is a bit of Internet vernacular for the act of self-love (masturbation). So the NoFap movement is asking people to stop looking at all forms of porn and stop masturbating. People often say to me that their porn addiction is not hurting anyone. From Tim’s blog it is hurting some of the largest areas of our life. What seems to be missing along side these thoughts in our Christian community is the realization that there are also physiological issues with long term masturbation to pornography from Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction, Sexual Exhaustion etc. Many people I talk to seem to think that these physical issues are a joke and are not true.

Below are a few videos for you to watch. It takes such courage to open up and speak as these people do about such a private struggle. Please remember this are not Christian groups so you may find some rough language.

As I travel I talk to men and women nightly who talk about addictions to porn.  I have hundreds of emails of people struggling in their Christian faith due to issues with porn. I have heard from a over 100 women who have told me that their marriages were destroyed from their husbands addictions to pornography. I have also heard numerous stories of wives addictions to porn and how it destroyed their marriage. Pastors tell me it is an epidemic in their youth groups and throughout adults in their churches.

While I am finishing my research on this talk I thought it would be interesting to see if I could find 100 people who would want to take part in a small experiment. Rather than talking about all the ways porn has hurt us I would love to see how getting rid of porn in our lives helps us, especially those of us coming from a Christian Perspective. I am open to people who are not faith based to take this challenge. Love to here your thoughts as well.

So here is the experiment:

I am looking for 100 people who are interested in taking a 60 day (2 months) challenge to be completely porn free in your life. 

To some of you 60 days might seem like an eternity. I would respond and say that if you cannot go 60 days without porn or sexualized media in your life than you probably can at least acknowledge that you are struggling with this. Also, during this journey if you fail, then try and think why you failed (were you alone too much, tired, angry etc). learn from your setback, and try and get back to the journey.

This video gives some great advice on how to do this.

Practical stuff: I will NEVER be posting your names anywhere ever. I am interested in your journey goes:

If you are interested in being part of this journey you just need to let me know. Send me an email to brettullman@me.com or hit me up on any social media. Then as you are going through your journey keep a small journal. Write down anything you think might be interesting. Some questions are below. You can send me thoughts at the end or anytime in the middle. If anyone worries that someone might see your email. It is only going to me and I will never share this information with anyone. If you are really worried make a fake gmail account and email me from that. The goal is not to shame anyone but to look at a journey like this together.

Here are some questions I would love to know. You can add any more you like.

1. How hard was the decision to stop? Where you able to stop? Did you relapse?
2. What kinds of things did you have to change?
3. Did you have any withdrawal affects? What were they? When in your journey did you have them?
4. Thinking of the areas that Tim talked about in his blog. Tell me how if affected your: Soul – did your faith change?
5. Neighbour – Did you thoughts change about the people in the videos? Your neighbours? Did you look at woman (or men) different when you saw them?
6. Did it change your engagement at church?
7. How did the reboot affect your relationship with your family? As a parents did you feel freedom that your family would not find pornography on your computer etc?
8. Did you find you engaged more with the areas you feel called to be involved in? Volunteer?
9. Did you find that your witness changed? Did you feel like less of a fraud?
10. If you are married how did your relationship change with your wife or husband?
11. Anything else that you found in your journey to be noteworthy.

So what does this journey include. Anything sexual. That includes looking at sexualized images on social media (some of you might have to delete people you are creeping through their photos on Facebook or Instagram), all pornographic websites, TV and Movies with nudity and overt sexuality and any other areas from your thought life (fantasy or remembering past sexual encounters) to anything else that would turn you on sexually (I am not including regular sexual intimacy within marriage).

For Christians it should be enough for us to stop from a Theological standpoint (Scripture) but I think it will become very real very quick if you take this challenge that porn might have its hold on you. Many guys online (see websites #7  (Your Brain on Porn) and #8 (Your Brain Rebalanced) at the end of this blog talk about brutal side affects after Dopamine is no longer being drenched onto your pleasure centres in your brain. Many of the comments on the side effects are within just days of stopping. All I can say is why not try and live 60 days without porn and see how it goes.

During this time I would also encourage you to spend more time with God in prayer and Scripture reading. I would also encourage you to exercise, eat better and get lots of sleep. You might also need to talk to a counsellor to help you walk through this.

It would be awesome if you could share this blog around through email, other blogs or on social media. Thanks

I will leave you with this awesome poem for your journey:

“I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.”

― Portia Nelson, There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk
The Romance of Self-Discovery

If you are looking for other great resources there is so much great information on all of the websites below. Please take some time to go through them. If there are any great articles, books or other resources please send them to me and I will add them to this list.

Websites / Articles / Blogs

1. xxxchurch.com – one of the best sites. So much here
2. Fight the New Drug: Dropping knowledge on the harmful effects of porn – Click Here
3. Pornolescence (Tim Challies) – Click Here
4. DoggieHeadTilt – Rx for ED? – Click Here
5. Is Pornography changing how teens view sex? Toronto Star – Click Here
6. 7 Good Reasons to Stop Looking at Porn right now – Tim Challies – Click Here
7. Your Brain on Porn (non faith-based) – Click Here

YouTube – Video

1. The Great Porn Experiment: Gary Wilson – TedxGlasgow – Click Here
2. The Basics of Rebooting (non faith-based) – Click Here  **blunt, rough but true language **
3. FULL STORY: Generation X-Rated (Global 16×9) (** non faith-based) – Click Here
4. The Science of Pornography Addiction – Click Here
5. Why I stopped watching porn: Ran Gavrieli – TEDxJaffa Click Here

Healing / Recovery / Solutions

1. The Porn Free Family Plan (Tim Challies) – Click Here **this is one of the best articles on this for any parent**

Filtering and Accountability

1. Open DNS – Click Here **I use this**
2. Covenant Eyes – Click Here **I use this**
3. NetNanny – We Protect Families – Click Here
4. McAfee Family Protection – Click Here

Books

1. Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals our Way of Healing – Jay Stringer – https://amzn.to/3nBPVeX
2. Sexual Detox: A Guide for Guys who are sick of Porn – Tim Challies – https://amzn.to/2YQ9hCO
3. Pure Eyes: A Man’s Guide to Sexual Integrity – Craig Gross – https://amzn.to/3Ce9TAz
4. Your Brain on Porn – Gary Wilson – https://amzn.to/3AhI61Q
5. Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain – https://amzn.to/3tQpNhO

Added Sept 15th, 2021

Since I wrote this blog I have a ton of new content on this topic. My book Parenting: Navigating Everything contains an entire chapter on pornography. Click here for more information. 

I also have an update list of books I suggest on my link below.
https://www.amazon.ca/shop/brettullman
https://www.amazon.com/shop/brettullman

Below is my entire presentation called The Porn Project as well as some other vidoes on this topic of pornography

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